*"all you ever wanted to know about me"- a short story about Daniel

Self Portrait :photo by me

I was asked to write an Intro for a "book' project I am working on (my life and photog.) and this is it...

(don't be a hater!") haha

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How we come to be…

I was born and raised on a small farm in Brownhelm Township, In Ohio's coastal region of the central Lake Erie basin.
Unfortunately, like many young creative types, I had been teased from a young age for my slight abnormalities of reason, some of which were obviously going to be a challenge in my life. Topping the list of these was my obscure sense of style and my non-orthodox approach to almost everything I attempted. Other issues I had to deal with were the questionable nature of my being. For instance, I had been called a pretty girl while holding the door for an elderly lady at a supermarket, (which was not necessary), she soon regretted that statement.

I also was quite defeating to my Father's Ego, who's dream it was to see me play football or basketball on a college team. I can't forget how much he cried when I asked for figure skates for Christmas so I could "make it to the Olympics". I was made fun of at school (?) for performing in my front yard with my sister, our newest gymnastics routines. We would spend hours planning and practicing our tumbles..strategically for when traffic had to stop at the stop sign, stuck there to witness our sweet cross tumbling, with multiple gravity defying flips over our Mothers stained couch cushions, dragged out and lined up in the front yard and ending in unbelievable hyper extending splits!

Although, I did end up running cross country and Track in High School, (more for the love of one on one competition) , I was to be the clown of the team and make people laugh at my antics. I ended up later in life finding triathlon, Its draw is its toughness and deep reaching pain that makes you know the real you, pushes you beyond what you thought you could do and gives perfectly ligitimate ways to be nearly naked in public..and still feel Like a "real"-tough guy...I will always be a Triathlete.

I had a very early desire to become a part of the fashion business (?) Not sure if it was my uncanny ability to make all of my sisters barbies not only look like well worn dykes, with newly shorn, close cropped hair do's, cut with my Mothers kitchen scissors..they were always creating high drama, screaming and carrying on..ending all too often in a horrible "mattel Barbie*Jeep crash or all girl fist fight brawl..(lol)

On some level, I guess it was inevitable that I would begin fur trapping at 9 yrs old , (seeing that we lived on a small farm with chickens, cows, pigs and horses and a dozen or so mangy cats and dogs donated by various rusty cars stopping on the street corner late at night) We lived in the country on a small river and had a small lake that I unknowingly purged of most fur bearing animals in order to make some small money and call a hobby.. (No one ever told me that killing fox , raccoon ,mink and muskrat was not normal in the eyes of the rest of the world), although I was sure some supermodel somewhere was on set in one of my luxurious pelts ,chain smoking cigarettes and living the "high as a kite" life. (I have to laugh  sometimes now, as I look back at my ignorant blissful life as a small town boy). "We are what we are…"

   I was also laughed at by my siblings (older brother and younger Sister) for pretending to take photos of nearly everything with my "*camera"…(*my fingers fashioned into a loupe that I had to peer through, and upon my tongue making a clicking sound it then transferred the image into a digital file in my brain somewhere)…
Because of which, I was thought to be possessed in church , and was excommunicated from the catholic mass many times , ..my plan was genius! { I mean why did these people dress this way to make me have to document them ?? Was It really may fault?} .Surprisingly I turned out NOT to be a paparazzi !

I was a good artist in high school with some pieces in the traveling state art show (paint and sculpture), but I stumbled into an accidental bliss, when the regular photographer for our very small high school's yearbook, moved to another state abruptly, and I was the only person they could think of to ask to take over the photography position…(by small HS I mean, 78 in my graduating class!)
So with my 35mm automatic Kodak, I was off and running, (although in retrospect, I lost most of my HS friends due to the fact that that years yearbook (my senior year) ,was more of an expose' on who I liked, who was ugly, who was closeted but obvious, who were friends of mine and what sports I liked or not.. I felt it was unfair to try to filter or corral my new found artistic expression and political views. Good thing that was only High school! Yea right.

I had many girlfriends in High School, and was talk of the town as I finally started to grow into my body, although I never had a girlfriend longer than 2nd base.., I should have known I was in trouble when I would gladly help them get ready for our date with makeup and hair styling tips…My life was just starting to become confusing .

I had been taught by the Catholic Church that I was an abomination, and I must be converted to "normalcy". After years of archeological unearthing of my sexuality, these many years later, I am left still a bit jaded by all of the weighty guilt, embedded deeply by social pressure of faith, family and friends. Can't I just be me??? Haha.

I unexpectedly joined the US Army as a combat medic the moment I graduated from High School.( It was my reaction to having gotten too drunk at one late night party,(almost badly hurting a close friend), and thus hating myself, and forcing this self inflicted pain.(I needed to grow up), I knew it .
I served until I was 20 (3 years), right as the war in the Gulf was heating up and they decided to call me up to re-enlist into a combat war situation. Unfortunately, I had to tell them that I had other more noble plans and regretted that I couldn't be of more help.

Back to Ohio I went, and upon my first free summer on the Lake, I was approached by a lady in a bar (go figure) …who asked me to pose for some photographs with her the next afternoon. (I happily agreed, after asking her if she'd buy me a beer.. ) She called me weeks later to tell me that a New York model agent friend of hers, wanted to meet me, so I felt obliged. ( we met for drinks and of course..we got along very well ). So afterward, I was coerced into representing the agency at some big fashion model competition, to find the new and upcoming top models in the USA. (ha ha, *reminder I was a farm kid from nowhere whom just got out of the Army…I really knew nothing about the real fashion world) .

Needless to say, I was at my best , "In my element", as they say, mostly because drinking large amounts of alcohol, smoking ,(anything ignitable) , as well as an overall liberty to be sexually and otherwise unaccountable and "free", was very popular with these people. It was no contest after all was said and done that week, I was honored with the title; "Male Model of the Year 1990". (what !?? TF!?)

I had a model contract. So they shipped me off to Europe (Madrid ,Spain) to begin building my model "book". With newly capped farm teeth and my portfolio to start a modeling career ( who..me?) It was a whirlwind. I did pretty good, other than the language barrier, (when I unknowingly ordered fried asshole) and got lost beyond any normal human measure, due to the lack of speaking any foreign languages other than Kentuckian and Texan.
I became a regular on the club scene and a vampire of sorts, living by night. I befriended many artists, stylists and photographers in the next so many years as I traveled from city to city, modeling and having to commit to other "odd and end" jobs to make rent.( In a way, legally prostituting myself in image form). It was (and still is) a blur, induced by many years of lost sleep, loud music, thrash/like dancing, very little money and not much to eat ,but plenty to drink and smoke. (oh dear Lord..what was I thinking?!)
What one goes through teaches valuable self lessons~!..I would not trade any of it, for anything.

I wasn't knowingly gathering any usable information or talent as things progressed, but being part of the scene, I guess I absorbed a lot of innate creativity as it pertains to fashion and photography. (maybe it was always in me?) I had a friend give me a simple 35 mm Pentax, and I stared to just try and create…that was the beginning.
Trial and error is an incredible teacher, but only gets you so far, so I went to a small liberal Arts college at 27; took art, design , photography and darkroom courses, (now almost entirely unnecessary). Little did we know then the digital age was coming up quickly and would change everything entirely, and thus we'd have to relearn (and re-purchase) Everything!

I took what I learned , and upon receiving an offer to Intern in Miami for the summer, as a model agent and test photographer, for the MTV Agency from "The Real World"~ I went for it. It was incredible to be a completely different part of the process, ("on the other side of the lens", as they love to say)..but it was corporate, and not very gratuitous toward one with a need in the "what about me!", department. I did very well, booking models and fast became friends with them, as I had been "one of them", We had so much fun,

I was becoming well known as a new upcoming top agent (who was still in college) I had helped to book many magazine,catalouge ads and D&G campaign, A&F catalogs and had just recently booked 3 men on the Versace campaign shoot ! *{I got invited to dinner by Donatella at her Miami Mansion} and I was literally a no one!. (I had to laugh)..It wasn't for real …was it? Sitting in what looked like a living version of the September issue Of American Vogue-laughing over dull conversations with Anna Wintour, and Steven Meisel..hanging out on the bathroom floor with the last CK campaigh models as they smoked..Kate Moss, and Naomi, Jason Lewis,Alex Lundquist and Mark Vanderloo and Ester Caneatas..air kissing Madonna and her girlfriends while pulling off the perfect act..out on the dance floor..haha REALLY?

"The Word" on the fashion street, is like negative gossip or an STD, It travels fast around the fashion industry. I was scouted by and hired into a top men's agency and brought to New York City, to help redevelop the then , top men's agency in the world. (Boss models).. I did, and within a year Test shot top models, worked with and crossed paths with the likes of celebrities as Calvin Klien,Madonna, Heath Ledger, Tori Amos, Whitney Houston (whom I shared a dance and some weed with) plus so many others.. and I also worked on booking advertising campaigns ,such as Valentino, CK , L'uomo Vouge , Guess, Ralph Lauren, Abercrombie, Vera wang, Luis Vuitton and booked almost every top runway show.

It all was too much work, and very little creativity, and I clashed badly with my Boss, David Bosman, (*whom I still am very grateful to and respect for his drive.) I needed a change, so I went to work for Celebrity Photographer, Bruce Weber, as an assistant and casting asst. Director-(for the A&F Catalouges and magazine editorials...that was a hard job! lol).
I did very well, although I learned a lot, I decided in the long run to depart, take the plunge and start my own photography business. I was scared and unprepared financially. As I began, the 9-11 attacks happened .(timing can be a real bitch!)-
It changed everything in the industry, (no one was spending money or hiring).

I had no sponsor, no money and I had no choice, I folded up shop and returned to Ohio, to re-evaluate my life.

In my remiss, I decided to refocus on me, I quit drinking, quit smoking and started training for triathlon, as a way to step back and become clear. I focused on healthy living and my spiritual beliefs (more Buddhist like now) to renew a passion for life itself. I have been sober for 8 years now, and have qualified for the national championships in triathlon, 4 times. It keeps me grounded and healthy.
I am starting to shoot more and become creative inside the new me.

I am learning that Age magnifies our needs and our dislikes, and finding the balance is the true challenge of making an honest living.
Learning from everything and trusting my instincts, all happens for a reason.
I am still becoming.

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…"Life is like your "Grandma's"-Favorite Christmas cookie,…That without the delectable icing and giggles of colorful sprinkles.-.it would otherwise be a dry piece of crap."

Daniel Smithdanieljs111@aol.com